Caught in the eye of my storm with MS--A BLOG OF REALITY.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Who Is Gonna Find The Cure To MS?
If you may recall in an earlier post, Esthe the hairdresser has MS figured out. Well I am proud to report she has outdone herself again. Originally it was salsa dancing, but now I am excited to reveal her latest innovative and cutting edge advice and advancements. Last week while catching a glimpse of my gorilla like fur encompassing my ears and neck, I realized It was time to make the scooter ride back across the street to see Esthe. After all, Wednesday's are $9.95 for a descent haircut, and being that it was tipping the low 100 degrees I though a trim might cool me down and maybe crossing John R Rd I may just run out of battery juice and get flattened by a semi. Heat has that effect on me and along with extreme weakness and double vision I cannot feel my hands or feet so a good head-on actually was kind of appealing! With my luck I would twist an ankle so I decided to just get across the road and get my ears lowered.
As luck would have it, the salon did not have air conditioning, and quickly I was evolving into a three toad sloth. Esthe said she had some really great news but had one patron before me. There I waited, sitting in the scooter, quickly losing all feeling in my hands from the extreme heat, and really having a tough time with the tracking of my eyes and the accompanied nystagmus. Nonetheless, I struck up an exhillerating conversation with a 90 year old Vietnamese lady, also waiting, and we commiserated about our ailments delightfully. The aches, pains, heat, and bladder function were just a few of our similar complaints. A 44 yr old man and a 90 yr old gal, something just didn't compute that we had commonalities with regards to our ailments. Either way the conversation tickled me.
Esthe kept looking over like a little kid with a secret, hurrying along the lady in her chair, overcome with delight as to whatever this revelation was. I was preparing myself for the letdown, but that little part of me was kind of intrigued. After all someone like Esthe is going to cure MS. Someone like her, without any preconceived notions, prejudice, or knowledge of what the hell MS even is will find the cure. I am convinced of it.
Finally after all the bladder, bowel, suppository, and prune juice talk with my new Vietnamese grandma, Esthe waived me over. By now she was chomping at the bit and was ready to pour out like the opening of the Hoover Dam. "Helicopter" she blurted several times. Trying to follow along, I smiled and repeated her every one word. "Helicopter, sure I know what that is Esthe," I revealed fairly confused. "No, no she said, this is cure I tell you for problem, Helicopter!" " My friend say she have friend with same problem, she jump from helicopter and problem gone!". Sure I agreed, jumping from a helicopter would do it, surely the impact should take care of that I agreed. " No if you jump from Helicopter it scare you and the conditon will be fixed, then you take parachute to ground and problem gone."
Apparently the shock or the exhilaration can cure any and all neurological deficits. For a second I was buying into it, since nothing else seems to be helping. Maybe MS is some kind of evil spirit that is controlling the ms population, and jumping out of a helicopter will scare the shit out of it, enough to eliminate its foothold!? It may not be a helicopter, but guaranteed some crazy ass theory will be our shining star, and although Esthe might not have it this go round I look forward to what she has for me the next time. At least I picked up a few pointers on loosening my bowels and received a pretty darn nice haircut for a mere $9.95 and a four buck tip. Helicopter. Maybe she's on to something? Sign me up.