Friday, June 22, 2012

Who Is Gonna Find The Cure To MS?

     If you may recall in an earlier post, Esthe the hairdresser has MS figured out. Well I am proud to report she has outdone herself again. Originally it was salsa dancing, but now I am excited to reveal her latest innovative and cutting edge advice and advancements. Last week while catching a glimpse of my gorilla like fur encompassing my ears and neck, I realized It was time to make the scooter ride back across the street to see Esthe. After all, Wednesday's are $9.95 for a descent haircut, and being that it was tipping the low 100 degrees I though a trim might cool me down and maybe crossing John R Rd I may just run out of battery juice and get flattened by a semi. Heat has that effect on me and along with extreme weakness and double vision I cannot feel my hands or feet so a good head-on actually was kind of appealing! With my luck I would twist an ankle so I decided to just get across the road and get my ears lowered.
      As luck would have it, the salon did not have air conditioning, and quickly I was evolving into a three toad sloth. Esthe said she had some really great news but had one patron before me. There I waited, sitting in the scooter, quickly losing all feeling in my hands from the extreme heat, and really having a tough time with the tracking of my eyes and the accompanied nystagmus. Nonetheless, I struck up an exhillerating conversation with a 90 year old Vietnamese lady, also waiting, and we commiserated about our ailments delightfully. The aches, pains, heat, and bladder function were just a few of our similar complaints. A 44 yr old man and a 90 yr old gal, something just didn't compute that we had commonalities with regards to our ailments. Either way the conversation tickled me.
     Esthe kept looking over like a little kid with a secret, hurrying along the lady in her chair, overcome with delight as to whatever this revelation was. I was preparing myself for the letdown, but that little part of me was kind of intrigued. After all someone like Esthe is going to cure MS. Someone like her, without any preconceived notions, prejudice, or knowledge of what the hell MS even is will find the cure. I am convinced of it.
     Finally after all the bladder, bowel, suppository, and prune juice talk with my new Vietnamese grandma, Esthe waived me over. By now she was chomping at the bit and was ready to pour out like the opening of the Hoover Dam. "Helicopter" she blurted several times. Trying to follow along, I smiled and repeated her every one word. "Helicopter, sure I know what that is Esthe," I revealed fairly confused. "No, no she said, this is cure I tell you for problem, Helicopter!" " My friend say she have friend with same problem, she jump from helicopter and problem gone!". Sure I agreed, jumping from a helicopter would do it, surely the impact should take care of that I agreed. " No if you jump from Helicopter it scare you and the conditon will be fixed, then you take parachute to ground and problem gone."
      Apparently the shock or the exhilaration can cure any and all neurological deficits. For a second I was buying into it, since nothing else seems to be helping. Maybe MS is some kind of evil spirit that is controlling the ms population, and jumping out of a helicopter will scare the shit out of it, enough to eliminate its foothold!? It may not be a helicopter, but guaranteed some crazy ass theory will be our shining star, and although Esthe might not have it this go round I look forward to what she has for me the next time. At least I picked up a few pointers on loosening my bowels and received a pretty darn nice haircut for a mere $9.95 and a four buck tip. Helicopter. Maybe she's on to something? Sign me up.


  1. Bro, this is great! I am peeing laughing! Glad to see u still have your goo
    d old "Bokos" sense of humor! Keep fighting! Luv u!

    Little Sis

  2. Oh, I laughed so hard, my husband came running in to see what was up. Thanks for a great start to the day!

  3. I couldn't help myself. This post will be featured in my poem tomorrow.

  4. George, you better start publishing these blogs!!! You are a talented writer and you have an amazing sense of humor!!!
    Love your cousin,

  5. Thanks all. Just another day in this utopian society! So much love.

  6. George,
    This is a riot - I can just picture you patiently waiting for Esthe and chatting with your new little 90 year old lady-friend! Keep writing, George! LOVE YOU,
    Aunt Marion

  7. Hi there - I just joined your blog - nice to meet you, well, wish it was for a different reason, - my blog, although not specific to MS, is certainly about MS because it is in part, about me, phew.
    Love to you

  8. Glad u chuckled aunt Marion!
    Gail I look forward to your posts!

  9. You are writing so beautifully about those encounters that happen all the time.I nearly hit the ground when an 83 year old asked me " which one is it that has MS " " Her life is over" she was asking after my youngest child aged 20.

  10. I have learned that people are unconcious. They stare right through you and when the reawaken for that split second, they usually say something stupid. I've had one hundred comments similar to that. You should have crammed a bananna up her nose!

  11. George she continued with " We buried a perfectly good bell ringer last week aged 41 " but it does not matter, I cried a flood when I got home but we made to the soltice this year and we will every year despite the horrors. Bowels are the pits along with choking and speech loss aren't they. Polite conversation is difficult around MS !! LOVE to everyone who gets going again tomorrow.